Unbroken beauty

Truth set free This is my story

SO if…

If I told you my story would you run? or would you stop and listen? There are things I’ve seen that I will never tell him, things that drove me  out of my mind and out of myself. If  I showed you my scares, If I played you my favorite song here in the dark would you fall to tears or would you trust  me to love you like fire. Would it break your heart if I showed you who I am, If you knew me well inside myself.  That I’ve run so far Iv lost myself. I spent all my money on a second hand love and I loved him with fearlessness that it would drive anyone mad.If I showed you my scares if I showed my soul If I played you my favorite song. So I ask you now if I showed you my scared would it break your heart?? Would you fall to tears or would stand strong with here in yours. If you knew how I loved you here in the dark. If I laid down here besides you. Could I lean on you till my heart stopped beating. If I barred my sense of god would you curse me out and spit my name or would lay down next to me. If I played you my favorite song. If I told you my story ?? Would you pick me up from the night from the hands of the dark. From the things you didn’t’ know. Would they break your  heart? There are years blinded and shattered in glass. So don’t ask me where I’v been . Just leave it alone and leave a little room for the holy ghost . I came to my reasons. Don’t ask i’v been it’ll break your heart. Just leave a little room . If I told my story.. 

Have you

Have you ever just wanted to scream? Because no one is listening to you. Have you ever just wanted to run away? Because no one understands. Have you ever wanted to hurt yourself? Because no one cares. Have you ever wished something bad would happen to you? Because you want sympathy. Have you ever wished someone would ask you ‘what’s wrong’? Because you need to vent. Have you ever just wanted to lock yourself in your room? Because you need to get away from life. Have you ever just wanted to text that boy that broke your heart? Because you know the old him could make you smile in a heart beat just by replying to your text. Have you ever cried and ran to the mirror to make sure it looked like you didn’t? Because your family just wouldn’t understand. It’s okay. Me too

I woke up in tears this morning thinking to myself how did i survive this pain . This constant fear of the things that might or might not happen. Life has taken so much for me. While it has given me so much. It’s scared me for so many years. Its taken me 11 years to get to the point where your words don’t hurt me anymore. Where I can stand tall and not allow  it to ruin my whole day. Though in some ways yes it still stings. But I know that I’ve come to a point where I can’t allow you this much control over my life. I have to remember that love isn’t supposed to hurt . Its not supposed to feel like someone is always betraying you that you don’t trust them that your always the one at fault that your wrong all the time. An then turn around and try to be the victim and tell you that your the one who’s caused all the pain in the world to ruin his life. But thats not true. its time to not be afraid 

We can’t live in fear of everything. We can’t always feel guilty for the things we didn’t do or have no control over. We can’t prove to a person we love them by giving and giving an all they do  is take. A person who loves you doesn’t want you to prove it by how much money you give them or how many times you show up. Or turn around and tell you that you’ve abused them all these years. We can’t keep trying to convince ourselves that we’ve done something wrong. That we’ve done something horrible. That for some reason you’r this evil person. Because the truth is that we’ve all made mistakes yes just because someone tells you that your the evil one that you’ve changed that your the one who’s caused so much pain . That your the one who’s brainwashed him/her. When the truth is that you’ve not brainwashed anyone that you didn’t hurt anyone by wanting more by wanting a life out side of that abuse. The truth is that you have a god given right to want too be happy . An every once in a while be selfish. Find the peace within. 

“Trust the voice within”

“Believe in love find the good in everyday sing and dance listen to the rhythm of your heart”

Should have stayed home today … very anxious having a hard time focusing … What is happening to me? I feel like my heart is in my throat . Im sick to my stomach .. im shaky my words are all over the place. Im jumpy uggg!!