Unbroken beauty

Truth set free This is my story

Have you

Have you ever just wanted to scream? Because no one is listening to you. Have you ever just wanted to run away? Because no one understands. Have you ever wanted to hurt yourself? Because no one cares. Have you ever wished something bad would happen to you? Because you want sympathy. Have you ever wished someone would ask you ‘what’s wrong’? Because you need to vent. Have you ever just wanted to lock yourself in your room? Because you need to get away from life. Have you ever just wanted to text that boy that broke your heart? Because you know the old him could make you smile in a heart beat just by replying to your text. Have you ever cried and ran to the mirror to make sure it looked like you didn’t? Because your family just wouldn’t understand. It’s okay. Me too

I woke up in tears this morning thinking to myself how did i survive this pain . This constant fear of the things that might or might not happen. Life has taken so much for me. While it has given me so much. It’s scared me for so many years. Its taken me 11 years to get to the point where your words don’t hurt me anymore. Where I can stand tall and not allow  it to ruin my whole day. Though in some ways yes it still stings. But I know that I’ve come to a point where I can’t allow you this much control over my life. I have to remember that love isn’t supposed to hurt . Its not supposed to feel like someone is always betraying you that you don’t trust them that your always the one at fault that your wrong all the time. An then turn around and try to be the victim and tell you that your the one who’s caused all the pain in the world to ruin his life. But thats not true. its time to not be afraid 

We can’t live in fear of everything. We can’t always feel guilty for the things we didn’t do or have no control over. We can’t prove to a person we love them by giving and giving an all they do  is take. A person who loves you doesn’t want you to prove it by how much money you give them or how many times you show up. Or turn around and tell you that you’ve abused them all these years. We can’t keep trying to convince ourselves that we’ve done something wrong. That we’ve done something horrible. That for some reason you’r this evil person. Because the truth is that we’ve all made mistakes yes just because someone tells you that your the evil one that you’ve changed that your the one who’s caused so much pain . That your the one who’s brainwashed him/her. When the truth is that you’ve not brainwashed anyone that you didn’t hurt anyone by wanting more by wanting a life out side of that abuse. The truth is that you have a god given right to want too be happy . An every once in a while be selfish. Find the peace within. 

“Trust the voice within”

“Believe in love find the good in everyday sing and dance listen to the rhythm of your heart”

Should have stayed home today … very anxious having a hard time focusing … What is happening to me? I feel like my heart is in my throat . Im sick to my stomach .. im shaky my words are all over the place. Im jumpy uggg!! 

Enough!

Most of my life iv seen the meaner side of life. Been tossed in many different directions. Felt the pain of lose ,  fighting all my life , cried when the tears just rouse within us  and the fire within rises and a heart of steal starts to grow.Been told we wouldn’t amount to anything ,told we were worthless . That  the blessing of having a child wouldn’t happen.  Its a struggle to make things that were broken right again. We are all survivors of something. Stood tall against the odds. Kept things close to not scare people or maybe to not scare ourselves. We have the spirit of a lion within us the ability to turn that pain into power. To take the unknown and say this isn’t yours you can’t have this. This is mine. We  have a fire in our soul a lion in our hearts and beast in our belly’s taken so many hits . So its time to stand and stop fighting , and stand up! So to every survivor small large any struggle we have with stood . This is our time. Its my turn to say to you Im done being your punching bang. Im done being on the bottom . Its my turn to stand tall .