Should have stayed home today … very anxious having a hard time focusing … What is happening to me? I feel like my heart is in my throat . Im sick to my stomach .. im shaky my words are all over the place. Im jumpy uggg!!
Most of my life iv seen the meaner side of life. Been tossed in many different directions. Felt the pain of lose , fighting all my life , cried when the tears just rouse within us and the fire within rises and a heart of steal starts to grow.Been told we wouldn’t amount to anything ,told we were worthless . That the blessing of having a child wouldn’t happen. Its a struggle to make things that were broken right again. We are all survivors of something. Stood tall against the odds. Kept things close to not scare people or maybe to not scare ourselves. We have the spirit of a lion within us the ability to turn that pain into power. To take the unknown and say this isn’t yours you can’t have this. This is mine. We have a fire in our soul a lion in our hearts and beast in our belly’s taken so many hits . So its time to stand and stop fighting , and stand up! So to every survivor small large any struggle we have with stood . This is our time. Its my turn to say to you Im done being your punching bang. Im done being on the bottom . Its my turn to stand tall .
Our journey has been full of ups and downs. Full of unexpected surprises and moments I never thoughts possible in my life. Iv lost and gained so much in the 12 years I knew him and even before. In simply being different, Iv found comfort in the safety of my journal of the pages that hold my deepest secrets. Of loves lost and gained. Of the tears shed . Some memories more painful than others. Stories that will never be repeated again. Iv made more mistakes than any person should . I don’t want to be known as the girl who is manipulative or used people. Thats not who i am. I struggled for years to understand what its like to know what it feels like to truly trust your own self to know when someone cares as much for you as you do them. An I don’t mean parents. Iv given my heart away before . At times I don’t know if I ever got it back. But I know when I look at you i see it. It scares me half to death but at some point we all have to take a leap of faith and trust that it’ll be ok. That we can do anything we set our minds too. AN that we can write a new story. The right story for us. That should have been there all along. Is this what being happy is? This nervous excited. That you can’t shack? A calmness we never knew. Life is full of surprises, it throws us things we didn’t expect we could handle. We get so accustom to fighting that its all we know sometimes. We can lose sight of that calmness because thats what foreign to us. So this is my leap of faith. This is my new story … Here goes nothing.
Love comes in all different ways . Never the same way twice , its never predictable or expected . It can surprise us , scare us , make us want to laugh and cry all at once. It can be exciting too. It shows us a new way of life , a new way to experience the world through someone else. It can’t be defined or even explained it simply is.