Our journey has been full of ups and downs. Full of unexpected surprises and moments I never thoughts possible in my life. Iv lost and gained so much in the 12 years I knew him and even before. In simply being different, Iv found comfort in the safety of my journal of the pages that hold my deepest secrets. Of loves lost and gained. Of the tears shed . Some memories more painful than others. Stories that will never be repeated again. Iv made more mistakes than any person should . I don’t want to be known as the girl who is manipulative or used people. Thats not who i am. I struggled for years to understand what its like to know what it feels like to truly trust your own self to know when someone cares as much for you as you do them. An I don’t mean parents. Iv given my heart away before . At times I don’t know if I ever got it back. But I know when I look at you i see it. It scares me half to death but at some point we all have to take a leap of faith and trust that it’ll be ok. That we can do anything we set our minds too. AN that we can write a new story. The right story for us. That should have been there all along. Is this what being happy is? This nervous excited. That you can’t shack? A calmness we never knew. Life is full of surprises, it throws us things we didn’t expect we could handle. We get so accustom to fighting that its all we know sometimes. We can lose sight of that calmness because thats what foreign to us. So this is my leap of faith. This is my new story … Here goes nothing.
Love comes in all different ways . Never the same way twice , its never predictable or expected . It can surprise us , scare us , make us want to laugh and cry all at once. It can be exciting too. It shows us a new way of life , a new way to experience the world through someone else. It can’t be defined or even explained it simply is.
Have you ever looked yourself in the mirror no make up no manicure , no nothing . An said to yourself this is who I am and like what you see ? DO you like yourself? or are we so programed to always wear make up have our hair done an spend so much time pleasing the world that we’ve forgotten the person within. Have you spent so much time shopping for making up clothing and hair product so people like us. So that someone takes notice. But when totally alone do you like yourself. We don’t always have to try so hard to fix the mold. You don’t have to continue to bend until you break. Don’t have to change a single. Just look in the mirror and see the inner beauty the confident person within. Listen to yourself realize that you don’t need to spend so much time pleasing everyone else around you. You have to only be true to yourself. You can allow yourself to love to love yourself. Because if you can’t love you then you’ll never love anyone else. Iv spent years pleasing everyone around me that I lost sight of who I am. Im slowly finding myself. Im honest and true and have no secretes left… well maybe a few… as we all do. But i know this to be true i know that Im stronger each day … and respect the woman iv become. <3